Ask me how I'm doing.

Ask me how I'm doing.

Usually I hate that question. But now--try me.

Because for the first time in months, I can say "good."

I mean, I'm not doing great by any means, but that sense of dread and hating being alive...it's dimmed significantly. Maybe it's even gone? and I don't even know how.

There is nothing I've been doing differently. I mean, I started being more active last week, but it's not like I haven't tried that multiple times in the past year.

So the only conclusion I can think of is that my medication, which was supposed to kick in after a few weeks, finally started making a difference after two months?

Or maybe the storm has just passed? Or there's a break in the clouds? I have no idea. But after the two worst weeks, I never thought this relief would come. They say it's always darkest before the dawn,  but holy cow that was a longggg darkness.

But now, I think maybe I can start to become me again.

I don't know what else to say. I think I have motivation again, but since I haven't had it in months, I don't know what to do with it.

I still feel like crying, I still feel useless, I still feel unappreciated and whatever, but...the terrible, awful darkness has subsided, and I have only had about one breakdown in the past week.

I don't know how long this will last, but I can finally say: hey. I think your prayers are working.