To those who have heard my complaining...

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for caring.

Thank you for voicing you support and your optimism.

Thank you for sharing in my struggle.

I will never be able to thank you enough. For laughing with me when it's dark. For standing with me when I most need comfort. For being there, available to me. Thank you. For everything.

But I want you to know, more than anything, that I know it's not all bad.

I want you not to worry, because I'm a fighter. And even on my darkest days, I know that who I am is a fighter. That however many times I say that I am giving up, what I really mean is that I am just going to lie on the ground and let the darkest parts of the storm pass and then get back up and keep fighting. I like to say that I give up. But I know myself well enough to know that I will never be a quitter when it comes to the things that matter most.

I want you to know that I know God loves me. I know this trial isn't because of him, and I don't blame him for it. Yes, I have struggled to stay close to the things of the spirit, but I still believe them with all my heart even though it's more increasingly difficult to live them.

I want you to know that I see tender mercies every day. That I believe in miracles. That I know that I really have a good life, and when I say that life sucks, what I mean is that living is hard.

I have an amazing family, however broken it may be. I have amazing friends, however far away they may be. I have incredible opportunities and unlimited prayers coming for me. And I know that I am blessed.

So I do complain. A lot. There is so much to say and so little time to say it...or to even remember what I was talking about in the first place. Please don't take my distractions as a sign that I don't care. I do care. And I'm so thankful. More than you know.

I just need you to know that I love you. And I need your love, even though I wish that I didn't. It's keeping me alive.

I'm hard to love. But thanks for loving me. Cuz you're doin it perfectly.